Do you know what is elementally boring?

Re-introducing yourself via email to a bunch of dates from an online dating site. Over and over I feel like I'm basically coughing up the same information (job, social activities, where I'm from, etc). It's absolutely monotonous and has been sucking up all my creative energy.

Yet, I was so tired of being dateless I thought I'd give it a shot. I did have one date (actually two- because I believe in second chances) but there just wasn't any chemistry. I emailed with a couple other dudes but one fizzled (he started dating someone else), dude 3 and I have nothing in common and then I never heard back from that 4th guy. The 5th guy was one of those asshats who used someone else's photo, which means he's either married or a serial killer.

That isn't even counting all the other dudes I sent emails to that never responded. I'm slightly embarrassed to post the number here since it's a lot. WTF?

Entirely unspectacular. And makes me feel a bit like a dating failure. Which is always a good time! Whee! Failure, sweet, sweet failure.

The thing is that, a good portion of the time, I'm entirely content to be alone. It is nice not to have to take anyone else's wants or needs into consideration, being entirely selfish isn't a bad thing- it's the only thing. But being with someone is nice, and I've not had someone regular in my life since the spectacular flame out of my last relationship.

I've got a few simple rules for selecting dudes online,

1. Do you mention "playing games", "looking for an honest woman who doesn't lie" in the first sentence of your profile? No thanks. Clearly you've got some issues and are leading with that, it may be important to you to have trust and honesty in relationship but starting off with it screams 'I just got cheated on big time and am going to be suspicious of everything you do or say.' I totally realize this is a blanket statement and will not apply to everyone but it certainly sends up red flags.

2. Are all your pictures of you and your motorcycle (or truck)? I get it, you like your car, it doesn't impress me much. How about showing me some variety?

3. Are you shirtless and taking a photo of yourself in a mirror (with the camera clearly visible)? Yeah, this is not cool. Chances are your chest is fine, maybe even perfectly well built but really it's not going to make me like you better just because you took your top off. Have some respect, man.

4. Can you speak in clear and coherent sentences with a varied vocabulary and perhaps a pithy comment or two? CHECK PLUS for you, this is awesome.

And so the search continues.


So awesome

I'm a shit and haven't written about my totally awesome sky diving experience. Blame my super full social life, seriously WTF? I've been home a total of 3 nights in the last two weeks.

So Saturday morning up bright and early with a weird vicodin hangover (my shoulder was really pissed at me the night before). A coke and some eggs seemed to clear it up, and thus I was ready to go. GO!

We got there and did our 5 minute tutorial and then signed a whole bunch of papers saying we wouldn't sue if our shutes didn't open and died or were torn limb from limb or other nightmare scenarios. We suited up (SUIT UP!) and climbed aboard the little plane for our jump. My back was against the control panel/engine so I couldn't hear a damn thing during the 20 minute ride up to 10,000 feet.

Once we hit it, I had to do this twisting roll over so that I was facing the nose of the plane and then my tandem dude hooked up to me- really it's like the tightest spoon of your life and you don't want it any other way. He said "I bet this is the closest you've been to a married man in a plane before!" To which I replied "Well, only a married man." because he totally walked into that one.

Then he opened the door and we stepped out onto a platform the size of textbook. We'd practiced this on the ground and while the platform seems small it's totally do-able, what I wasn't even considering was the wind speed. It's awesome. It takes your breath away and you can't believe that you are actually standing outside a plane with a ton of wind batting against your body.

Then the tandem guy goes one, two, three and suddenly you are hurtling through space. It's the most intense experience of my life. It's hard to register that the ground is rushing up to meet you and the force of everything on your body is crazy. The clearest thought that I can remember having is "Holy shit, these goggles are pressing against my face so tightly! I'm glad I'm wearing them!"

Then Chris (my tandem dude), pulled the cord and it was silent. Seriously, so quiet and crisp. I could see the slight curvature of the earth, the hazy point where the earth and sky met, everything looked tiny and unreal. It didn't feel like I was hurtling towards the earth any more, the contrast between the two was so startling. Chris gave me a set of cords to pull and showed me how to use them and we did a fun series of tight spirals. We practiced our landing stuff, and when we pulled down on the cord the chute collapsed and for a second we felt weightless and a touch of the freefall rush came back. It was mind blowing.

We had an excellent landing and honestly my face hurt from smiling so hard. It hurt for hours because I continued to smile. Several hours later the inevitable adrenaline crash happened and I needed a nap.

We are already planning our next jump (next spring/summer), I really do wish it wasn't so bloody expensive because I'd be doing a whole lot more.

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