WTF Browns?

This last Sunday my Dad took me to my first ever professional football game. I have been a long time Browns fan since I am a native Clevelander, and I was most excited to go.

But seriously, it was like the team was fucking not even phoning their performance in. They never even made it close to the endzone, it was honestly one the most pathetic games I've ever watched. I honestly saw more blocking from the dude in our section who was trying to break up a fight.

And I don't feel the need to mention that the offense might as well have let the little kids in the stadium try to complete the passes because I bet they would have done a better job.

After last week's game against the Steelers I really had hope that things were coming together, last week there was fire, there was passion, there was completing passes and end zone dancing. Not to mention far fewer penalties than this week. I felt like I was at the UN for all the flags I saw on Sunday.

Regardless of their shit performance I had a really good time with my Dad. We scored some excellent tickets off the street from a very nice couple, and mightly enjoyed our $40 4th row seats. Thank you.

Browns, suck it up and pull it together for love of god. You are breaking my heart.

And I really don't need anyone else to be breaking my heart. I'm still holding myself together with staples and scotch tape, maybe soon I can move onto something more permanent like duck tape or gorilla glue.

Bionic Parsley

The honest truth is that I bought this parsley about 5 weeks ago. I was having a wicked bad craving for tabouli and there still was some end of season produce at the farmer's market. I scooped up my needed items and headed home to whip up a batch.

I then promptly forgot all about the rest of the parsley which I had shoved into a bag and it got buried in the back of the fridge. Terrible, I know, but unfortunately it happens from time to time in my kitchen.

Thus you can imagine my horror when I spied the bag in the back of the fridge on Sunday. I fully expected to be greeted with a slimy, smelly mess so you can imagine my surprise when I opened the bag and found nearly perfect parsley.

Is it bionic? Perhaps some sort of genetically engineered super species of parsley?

Or maybe it is just a testament to what organically grown local produce can do? And apparently what they can do is live forever and potentially take over the world.

I should have kept it around as an experiment to see how long it took to turn into the mush most cut herbs turn into after a few days but frankly with the holidays coming up and lots of travel on the agenda I knew I wouldn't have time to properly play scientist.

I can barely keep my apartment in one piece lately because I've been gone to Cleveland for 3 weekends in a row, on top of the hellish catalog deadline that is looming over my head. I've never been so stressed in all my life, and a good portion of my time is spent thinking about when I can seriously clean. The sort of deep cleaning where half your belongings end up in the trash because frankly you can't stand the sight of them anymore.

I'm hoping that I won't be called home to Cleveland again this weekend and I'll be able to throw a ton of crap out. And maybe make myself a decent meal, as I've moved on from hot dogs to almost entirely subsisting on restaurant food. Which to some might sound fantastic but realistically is not fun. Sometimes you just want a home cooked meal that doesn't feel like it is going to instantly end making your bottom so much larger than it already is.


I've pretty much been living on Nathan's hot dogs and stadium mustard for about 2 weeks. Mmm. Nitrates.

I've also been getting crap for sleep and each day it is an effort to drag myself out of bed. It has been a rough couple of weeks for The Saucy Trollop and it is over yet.