Bits of my thoughts

Hi, I'm a lazy wanker lately. Writing is entirely beyond me and unfortunately everything here is going to be in bullet points because paragraphs are just to much fucking work.

-Hey smartypants, remember your inside whisper voice is not so whispery after 4 high alcohol content beers. That is why that girl heard you mocking her speech patterns and proceeded to stare at you with daggers in her eyes.In my defense she rolled her r's without a good reason.

-Signing up for the young professionals email list as "Skeezix-the slutty one" probably wasn't professional. Again, sign up for shit BEFORE you drink 4 beers.

-My flirting skills are RUSTY. Especially confronted with extreme hotness.

-I swear. A lot.

-Dear cute guy at the gym, I'd like to thank you for doing those lunging chest presses while wearing those small running shorts. Seriously fine ass.

-I was never a huge fan of NKOTB, but
Sarah's recap of the concert makes me wish I was there with them.

-The new AC/DC album is only being sold at Wal-Mart, WTF? That is so wrong.

-My pants have been feeling tight lately, so I've stepped up the workouts. Except then today for lunch I ate my body weight in bad chinese food and for dinner had a soft serve ice cream cone. Clearly a practice in failure.

I promise the next post will be full thoughts and paragraphs, most likely about my zip lining adventure on Sunday. So FREAKING excited.

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I like chasing cars

I cannot stop laughing:

I found a dead cat on the side of the road so I took it home and put some honey on it and then I cooked it and then I ate it is that bad to do do do do do.