Do you know what is elementally boring?

Re-introducing yourself via email to a bunch of dates from an online dating site. Over and over I feel like I'm basically coughing up the same information (job, social activities, where I'm from, etc). It's absolutely monotonous and has been sucking up all my creative energy.

Yet, I was so tired of being dateless I thought I'd give it a shot. I did have one date (actually two- because I believe in second chances) but there just wasn't any chemistry. I emailed with a couple other dudes but one fizzled (he started dating someone else), dude 3 and I have nothing in common and then I never heard back from that 4th guy. The 5th guy was one of those asshats who used someone else's photo, which means he's either married or a serial killer.

That isn't even counting all the other dudes I sent emails to that never responded. I'm slightly embarrassed to post the number here since it's a lot. WTF?

Entirely unspectacular. And makes me feel a bit like a dating failure. Which is always a good time! Whee! Failure, sweet, sweet failure.

The thing is that, a good portion of the time, I'm entirely content to be alone. It is nice not to have to take anyone else's wants or needs into consideration, being entirely selfish isn't a bad thing- it's the only thing. But being with someone is nice, and I've not had someone regular in my life since the spectacular flame out of my last relationship.

I've got a few simple rules for selecting dudes online,

1. Do you mention "playing games", "looking for an honest woman who doesn't lie" in the first sentence of your profile? No thanks. Clearly you've got some issues and are leading with that, it may be important to you to have trust and honesty in relationship but starting off with it screams 'I just got cheated on big time and am going to be suspicious of everything you do or say.' I totally realize this is a blanket statement and will not apply to everyone but it certainly sends up red flags.

2. Are all your pictures of you and your motorcycle (or truck)? I get it, you like your car, it doesn't impress me much. How about showing me some variety?

3. Are you shirtless and taking a photo of yourself in a mirror (with the camera clearly visible)? Yeah, this is not cool. Chances are your chest is fine, maybe even perfectly well built but really it's not going to make me like you better just because you took your top off. Have some respect, man.

4. Can you speak in clear and coherent sentences with a varied vocabulary and perhaps a pithy comment or two? CHECK PLUS for you, this is awesome.

And so the search continues.




  • At July 26, 2009 12:46 PM, Blogger Lincoln said…

    When you said a guy's car doesn't impress you much, it reminded me of that one Shania Twain song. I'm assuming that was the idea. Then I giggled and imagined you singing in a music video. Weird, I know.

  • At August 26, 2009 6:55 PM, Anonymous Jemima said…

    My friend (from Book Geek Girl blog) has had a lot of success with online dating, unlike my trainer Jenn, who met some guy who sent her a poem that went like this: "I like to write poetry. I lock myself in a dark room. I make myself tea. I sit in a chair. I take off my clothes. I take off my skin. I take off my penis..." On and on it went, and his message ended with a stalkery note that he'd seen her running up the Lyon Street stairs and would be waiting there for her. Sketch! She took her whole profile down and hid in her house for three days.

    Hmmm...that wasn't very nice to bring up. Kind of like people who try to make you puke when you're hungover or scare expectant mothers with horrifying delivery stories. My bad.


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