Lots random bits...most rant-filled

So terribly I had my heart broken this last weekend by the boy I mentioned way back in January. Privately, there was lots of crying. Oh the crying. It went on and on. The next morning I looked like I had been beaten roundly about the eyes. They were so puff-tastic they were doing that thing were they have become so swollen it actually looks like your eye lashes have curved under and are now growing from inside the lid.

I don't know if I'm stuck in a place of total and complete denial but I'm actually doing quite ok these last 2 days. The distraction of work has had a soothing effect on my psyche, so really I'm going to keep going forward with the plan to remain wickedly busy in order to hold my shit together.

Enough of the self-pitying rambling, lets engage in a little bit of ranting- shall we?

First off I'd like to take a brick to any tv chef who utters the words "Pre- (insert word here)". This could be used in reference to a multitude of sins, "pre-shredded cheese", "pre-washed greens", "pre-cooked chicken", etc.
Listen people, pre-shredded cheese is in fact a BLOCK OF CHEESE. Pre-cooked chicken is RAW CHICKEN.

The prefix "Pre" refers to the state of the item before you performed the action. This is simple English usage, and baby Jesus knows I'm not the best with complicated English rules- but this is a fairly simple concept to grasp.

Why use the term "pre-shredded"? Some marketing genius somehow believed that it added a certain value or cache to their product, or perhaps someone thought it made them sound cool and like they were giving you a hint on how to cut down time in the kitchen.

It's dumb. It pisses me off. The end.

In that same vein of stupidity put forth by marketing and advertising geniuses; I say that knowing full well I work in the marketing world- we're great but some of the shit we come up with is completely fucking ridiculous, as evidenced by the following:

Really, 100% Beef?

What is your implication here? Perhaps before you didn't used 100% Beef? Do I really want to conjure up ideas about what you were using before you loudly declared that you use 100% beef?

Or are you trying to imply that your competitors don't use 100% beef in their hamburger patties?

The simple fact is that you could have used this term effectively for me if you'd added the qualifier 'American' or 'Grade A', but there is also the distinct possibility that you can't make that claim at all. I don't know where McDonald's beef comes from or what grade it is. This is all part of their new "healthy and fresh" makeover that they are trying to give us. For me, it doesn't work. I will never go to McDonald's and think that I'm eating healthy. I go to fast food joints for the exact opposite reason, sometimes one needs a bit of greasy, fat-filled food with a large fountain coke. (The perfect cure for those wickedly bad hangovers.)

This whole thing made me tool about on their website, and I have to say I'm annoyed by the implication that only mom's eat salads. Men eat salads, damnit. Why couldn't you have phrased that as "parents who bring their kids in for a happy meal." Eating salad is GIRLY, way to reinforce dumbass stereotypes. Men don't eat vegetables!

And lastly, 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD. OH! SCARY! Lets talk about how 1 in 4 teenage girls have STDs, AND NEVER FUCKING MENTION HOW MANY TEENAGE BOYS HAVE STDs. I'm not some crazyass feminist conspiracy theorist but come on! Those teenage girls aren't giving STDs to each other, they are only half the equation. But no is talking about the boys and their STD rates, to me it just smacks of shaming female sexuality and blaming them for when really it takes two to get an STD. Why aren't we having an open discussion about males and their rate of infection? In all the articles I read and news stories I saw never once did anyone bring up teenage boys.

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  • At March 18, 2008 5:41 PM, Blogger urban princess said…

    Sorry about your broken heart. Words don't make it better, but my heart goes out to you.

  • At March 18, 2008 5:42 PM, Blogger urban princess said…

    PS: I was wondering about the STD rate in teen boys, too. Seriously, WTF?

  • At March 20, 2008 11:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You might be interested to know that the vaccination for HPV (Gardasil) can actually be used in boys, too, but few politicians, drug companies, or doctors ever mention that!

  • At March 21, 2008 7:13 AM, Blogger Mary said…

    Oh Suzanne- so sorry about your broken heart and the subsequent crying...I could go on and on about the anti-feminist slant to all things sexual in our society...but instead I'll focus on McD's...
    about a million years ago, when my oldest was very young, McD's ran an ad stating that their chicken mcnuggets were now 100% pure chicken. What were they before? I'll never know. But I never let any of my kids eat a chicken mcnugget again :)

  • At March 21, 2008 6:39 PM, Anonymous Jemima said…

    Dude, you need a bourbon. Here, I'm pouring you one right now. I'm sorry about the boy. Am I allowed to call him an idiot? IDIOT! Give yourself a facial and at-home mani-pedi immediately, so at least if you see him anywhere, you can diss him with grace.

    Re the beef thing, I'm reading Omnimore's Dilemma right now, and it is SHOCKING. It's all corn-fed beef (cows are not designed to eat corn and it makes them sick, so then they have to have antibiotics and hormones to make them hungry enough to eat their unnatural food) and corn-syrup washed down with a high fructose corn syrup coke. God! And that whole thing about salad makes me want to slap someone.

    Re the HPV thing...there's no test for boys, and boys usually don't have any symptoms or signs. The CDC is trying to vaccinate them too, but of course all the crazy right wing moms who don't think their little darlings are having premarital sex won't allow it and that vaccinations are a big pharma conspiracy to make money. Is it a conspiracy that 1 in 4 girls can get cancer? I think not.


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