Voodoo

So over the years I've developed several pre-date rituals. I'm calling them rituals because it sounds fancier habits, and I like fancy.

1. Polishing my jewelry.

Ok, so I know this may seem very weird but since I go on dates about once a month (on average, exempting that outlying period where I didn't date at all for a very.long.time. Which in retrospect seriously sucked.) it always seems like a good time to remember that I've not polished my jewelry. Not that I'm dripping in Zsa Zsa Gabor like accourtamonts but rather everyday I wear the same silver necklace and silver ring. They get very dingy over time since I never take them off so a good polishing is in order at least once a month. Also a sparkling silver necklace will bring my dates eyes to my cleavage and that is always a good thing, no?


2. Showering and Shaving.

I know this seems seriously obvious and one would hope that all your dates have showered recently, but really it's the shaving that is important here. Yes, I know that some women go in for the whole 'chastity pelt' to keep them from getting frisky on the first date. Simply taking the time to shave my legs insures that I will not be getting any nookie because fate is cruel bitch like that or there is always the chance that if fate does decide to play nice I'll be ready to go.

3. Pre-planning outfits.

Again, for some people this is a given. I tend to go through periods of seriously hating everything I own deeming it either ill-fitting or boring. This is not always successful because there are times where the pre-planned outfit just doesn't work for me. Those days are the worst, because I can manage to destroy my whole bedroom in matter of a few minutes. In fact just the other night I had a Fashion Show! Fashion Show at lunch! except you know, at night. I had my heart set on this adorable dress but in the end the store didn't carry a petite size and the regular was just too long and slightly too big. I was worried that after going through the whole Parkersburg mall, their Old Navy and TJ Maxx that I had just bought the least ugly outfit I tried on, which is why Kate so graciously let me come over and dork out with a fashion show to make sure I looked ok. Afterwards I was worried that her boyfriend might have made serious fun of me since he was a witness to the fashion show, Kate assures me that he did not.

4. Go to the gym

I always feel much more confident and pretty if I've put in a long hard session at the gym. It always does the trick, and I feel no need to expound on my love for working out since I've already done that in enough posts.

Unfortunately all this pre-date voodoo in no way ensures that your date won't call a couple of hours before meeting and beg off because he's not feeling well.

Then a whole 'nother sort of thing is called for, one usually involving a stiff drink and perhaps some bacon. Because bacon and alcohol are the best ways to get over a broken date, hell, I think they are probably a pretty damn good cure for most mental black moods. Maybe throw in a little Skeet Ulrich and I'll forget all about what's his face- even if just temporarily.

Or your friends will graciously allow you to crash their date night and ply you with champagne and pizza and trivial pursuit.

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4 Comments:

  • At December 03, 2007 4:09 AM, Blogger Alan the Great said…

    Being Canadian, bacon and alcohol have been significant parts of my life for as long as I can remember. Sure, they'll kill you eventually, but what's the point of living if you can't have bacon or booze?

     
  • At December 03, 2007 2:09 PM, Blogger orangek8 said…

    Oh, drat! We totally should have had them add BACON to that pizza!

    We should have date night more often, yo.

     
  • At December 07, 2007 11:20 PM, Anonymous LE said…

    I love rituals like these. It's just fun to take a long, leisurely time to make yourself pretty. (Regardless of the outcome of the evening.) At least you looked damn hot while guzzling champagne and eating pizza with friends.

     
  • At December 12, 2007 1:44 PM, Anonymous Jemima said…

    I used to clean my shower. Dating axiom #1: If the man stays over, he gets to take an a.m. shower in a pristine claw-footed tub.

    Must be a Southern 1950s thing--clearly I would be a suitable spouse with mad home ec skillz. (shyeah)

    Pedicures were important too. And putting away all pictures of scary Dad. And having beer in the fridge.

     

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