Slapsgiving

This Thanksgiving I opted to avoid the big, huge family deal that was going to be at my parent's house. Instead my sister and I cloistered ourselves at her house and thanked baby Jesus that we didn't have to deal with our extended family.

Melissa has four children and I know what most of you are saying "OH MY GOD! FOUR!" Yes, four. There are four of us siblings and so four doesn't seem that odd to us, but apparently today anything more than two is seen as people who never learned how to properly use birth control. The only thing about having 4 children, 3 of them young girls is the talking. Oh my god, the talking. It goes on an on, I really think that if we wanted to solve issues in the Middle East we should ship those very talky girls over there and both sides would easily capitulate after 4 days just to make them stop talking. I know all kids go through this phase but as a childless single it was quite a bit to be thrown into all at once. Although in my brilliance I taught the girls a very fun game, it's called manicure time. During manicure time I will paint their nails and then in order not to smudge them they have to sit quietly for 45 minutes. It totally worked, they got pretty manicured hands and I saved a tiny bit of my sanity.

Her oldest is 10, I remember when he was born and was this tiny little peanut who would take naps while curled up on my chest. Now he is 5 inches shorter than me but I've still got a few pounds on him even when he does finally reach my height. Those combined inches and pounds I've still got on him came in very handy this weekend when I had to take him down and tickle the hell out of him. Of course the moment I decided to do this I was wearing a blond Hannah Montana wig so I'm sure it looked even funnier. I honestly think he was surprised that I could pin him down so effectively since we are starting become of equal size.

It started on Wednesday night when we were eating dinner and one of my nieces asked me if I had a boyfriend (a question I thought I would be not be asked since I was not going home to the massive family extravaganza). After I said that I didn't have a boyfriend my nephew pipes up "Yeah, you don't have one because you are so ugly."

What a little smartass.

In return for his insolence I made him laugh so hard he threw up his dinner. At the table.

Then in a later conversation my 7 year old niece told me "I want to be like you when I grow up." Which is such a very sweet sentiment but then it's followed with "Because I never want to get married."

So everyone take note, I'm an ugly 27 year old spinster at this point in the game.

Then as some sort of freudian slip my nephew was saying goodnight to me and he called me 'dad'. For everyone keeping score at home I'm an ugly 27 year old spinster who looks like man.

There is nothing like small children insulting the hell out of you, I guess it is a good thing that I left on Sunday because who knows what I would have become if I'd stayed any longer.

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5 Comments:

  • At November 27, 2007 4:53 PM, Blogger Shannon Erin said…

    One of my little cousins once told me I looked like my dog. I love that years later, I'm still bitter about it.

    I also love that you made him puke up his dinner!

     
  • At November 27, 2007 11:02 PM, Blogger kellie said…

    I am a divorcing spinster sister owning a PUG that I apparently look like - there is no hope for me... take heart... lol - my niece and my roomates child convince me of none less than that.... I do however own my own business (of which they are gainfully employed) and live my life as I now deem fit..love your blog and forever enjoy your ensights...

     
  • At November 28, 2007 2:32 AM, Blogger Lincoln said…

    I've been asked the "significant other?" question by little nieces, nephews, and cousins. I've found it's best to turn it around on them and ask if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Make sure to do it in front of their parents. It makes for good squirming.

     
  • At November 28, 2007 5:14 PM, Blogger Mary said…

    oh my gosh- that made me laugh!
    My little brother once asked our neighbor and my mom's best friend why she had a mustache...my mom was mortified!
    As a side note, I have four kids too so find the household antics completely normal. Especially all the talking.

     
  • At December 12, 2007 1:47 PM, Anonymous Jemima said…

    Kids have a knack for making you feel old and withered. Wait till they turn into teenagers...

    I finally realized it was time for a different hairstyle when my 4-year old niece drew a picture of me with what appeared to be a big brown turd on my hair--my signature knot. Hair is now short and requires product.

     

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