Amy and Ben, they rock. Monday, August 13, 2007My college roommate's wedding this weekend was great, and everything I expected it to be. First off let me say I love Amy dearly and her new husband is awesome. He's cute, smart and funny and clearly has excellent taste because he loves Amy.
I've known Amy for nearly 10 years now and I still remember the first time we bonded. Basically I kicked her ass at Asshole and made her do all sorts of silly things that caused her to become inebriated. From there our casual acquaintance blossomed into true friendship, the sort of friendship that is forged when you live with someone for several years and somehow make it out of it still liking each other- even if the other person has a predilection for making food and then consuming two bites before they declare themselves full and throw it away. Don't throw away the food AMY, I'll eat it. There are starving children and roommates who will gladly eat your Kraft Macaroni and Cheese if you don't want it. Not to mention the total asshole of a boyfriend you had, the one who like to throw up over our balcony for hours the morning after our parties rather than using the bathroom or going home and according to him "was hung like a light switch". He was a tool.
The actual wedding ceremony was great, very short but very touching. After the wedding Amy and Ben greeted each row of guests and as I approached them Ben said "Uh, oh. Here comes trouble." Clearly the man has spent some time with me.
There was one personal hiccup though, one of our other roommates was at the wedding. I've not spoken to her since February when she stood me up for the Kathy Griffin show, she never called to apologize, she stopped taking my calls and really I want nothing at all to do with her. But for Amy's sake I played nice and pretended that nothing happened and so did she (which isn't anything new, her M.O. is to be a bitch and then pretend she was never mad at you). So that sucked but whatever, I won't talk to her again if I can possibly avoid it.
And then there were several of the bridesmaids, whom I went to college with, who acted like they had sucked on lemons and were constipated when I said hello to them after the wedding. They were pretty bitch-tastic in college and time has only intensified that. Although a couple of them proved to be hilarious when at the reception they cut off the bottom's of their dresses to better dance in.
Ben is from Boston so there was a thick conglomeration of hilarious Boston accents, like his cousin (with each ear pierced with thick gold hoops- like a pimp but on a super irish white guy) who went absolutely crazy when someone brought out a video camera and the DJ's played Insane-in-the-membrane. This guy basically created his own music video my randomly screaming into the video camera while popping up and down in and out of the frame, I really don't think Cypress Hill could hold a candle to this guy and his enthusiasm or showmanship. What was even funnier was that on the limo-bus back to the hotel he sat behind me and kept telling everyone how "Wicked wasted I am. I'm totally going to puke on my shoes."
Limo buses to and from the hotel to reception rock. It allows the partying to start earlier and for semi-drunken friends to ask the bar for beers the road on the way back to the hotel. The party should not stop at the reception, so thank you Amy and Ben.
And of course there was the fact that it was Ben and Amy's doing that I kissed a DJ at the last wedding we were all at together, so this time Ben came to me on the dance floor and said "Hey, what are you doing over here? The DJ's are that way." That boy has a smart mouth, and thus will forever be in my good graces.
And I did talk to the DJ's, twice. One to ask them to play the Apt. #2 theme song and then a second time to yell at them for playing the theme song during the dollar dance. I really did run up to the DJ booth and yell at them "You can't play this song now. It's for the roommates ONLY. STOP IT." The DJ looked at me and said "You really want me to stop this song in the middle?" Like I had just asked him to take off all of his clothes and do the Hokey Pokey with Amy's grandma. And really, that wouldn't have been so scandelous since he had already done some sort of floor humping dance during The Atomic Dog (mimed sex acts at wedding receptions are always awesomely appropriate).
"Yes, the Bride demands it." I said pointing at her protesting on the dance floor and he acquiesced.
Most of my dance moves consisted of me dancing halfway across the floor and then back towards my friends, like we were playing some odd version of Red Rover. I do believe I busted out 'the sprinker' a couple of times as well. As for embarrassing myself- it doesn't matter, I'm sure they've seen me do a lot worse than bad dance moves at this point.
Later in the evening Apt. #2 took it to that place where we were the most obnoxious people in the room by holding hands and screaming the lyrics of Making Love Out of Nothing At All by Air Supply.
It was the perfect end to the evening.
Then I went back to the hotel and played with the awesome sleep number bed. My magic sleep number is 30 or 35.