Open Bar Wednesday, June 13, 2007Sarah , over at Ok, Seriously (one of my most favorite blogs ever- I sort of consider stalking her truth be told next time I'm in Cleveland because she is hilarious plus clearly her blog title tells me she's a fan of the Will Farrell) had a deliriously good time at a friend's wedding this weekend. Which brought up that I myself have imbibed one to many at many a friend's wedding thus rendering myself the drunkest person in the room with magical abilities to make the most splendiferous ass of myself.
I think the first wedding I displayed my magicalness was my friend Carrie's wedding, I was the maid of honor and had been moving along at a nice clip with a good buzz. I was the favorite for being adept at opening champagne bottle after champagne bottle while in the back of the limo. There were actually two limos for that wedding, one with the rest of the groomsmen and bridesmaids and one for the bride and groom, the best man and I. Needless to say we stole the other limo's champagne because we ran out. It's just how I roll.
But my real downfall came towards the end of the evening during the dollar dance, which my lush friend Carrie decided should include shots. Except somehow the best man and I ended up having to do shots with each person who gave us money. Bad news. Because after that things get hazy, I remember rolling (YES, ROLLING) around on the dance floor in my dress and then asking the best man for his number. I probably inappropriately grabbed a few groomsmen too.
After the wedding we watched the professional videographer's tape and there is a lovely section of where we are taking photos at this castle looking building. And all you can hear me saying in the background is "Jesus, who the fuck do those skanky ass bitches think they looking at? I think I need to go rough those fucking whores up." Awesome. But they were skanky ass bitches who were looking at us funny and those goddamn other bridesmaids had no room to be looking at us like that. I can say that because I actually know them, i went to high school with them and they were skanks of the highest order.
The other most famous wedding debacle was my friend Missy's wedding, during which again- shots did me in. My friend's boyfriend bet me $20 that I would kiss the DJ (who I did think was cute), so I marched right up to the DJ table and told him if he kissed me he'd help me win a bet. And that is how I came to make out with the DJ. And then I totally butchered an ethnic dance trying to fit in, and told the DJ there was an after-party in my room. A room I had no idea where it was, the limo picked us up in the morning and not being from the area I had no idea how to get back to it. Poor Ben (the same guy who made the bet with me) had to call information to find directions so he could get me back to the hotel.
So now tell me a tale of your favorite wedding drunkenness.
Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the Saints- Carrie's wedding is not the first one I made an ass out myself at. Oh god, too many drunken shenanagans are flashing before my eyes.