Open Bar

Sarah , over at Ok, Seriously (one of my most favorite blogs ever- I sort of consider stalking her truth be told next time I'm in Cleveland because she is hilarious plus clearly her blog title tells me she's a fan of the Will Farrell) had a deliriously good time at a friend's wedding this weekend. Which brought up that I myself have imbibed one to many at many a friend's wedding thus rendering myself the drunkest person in the room with magical abilities to make the most splendiferous ass of myself.

I think the first wedding I displayed my magicalness was my friend Carrie's wedding, I was the maid of honor and had been moving along at a nice clip with a good buzz. I was the favorite for being adept at opening champagne bottle after champagne bottle while in the back of the limo. There were actually two limos for that wedding, one with the rest of the groomsmen and bridesmaids and one for the bride and groom, the best man and I. Needless to say we stole the other limo's champagne because we ran out. It's just how I roll.

But my real downfall came towards the end of the evening during the dollar dance, which my lush friend Carrie decided should include shots. Except somehow the best man and I ended up having to do shots with each person who gave us money. Bad news. Because after that things get hazy, I remember rolling (YES, ROLLING) around on the dance floor in my dress and then asking the best man for his number. I probably inappropriately grabbed a few groomsmen too.

After the wedding we watched the professional videographer's tape and there is a lovely section of where we are taking photos at this castle looking building. And all you can hear me saying in the background is "Jesus, who the fuck do those skanky ass bitches think they looking at? I think I need to go rough those fucking whores up." Awesome. But they were skanky ass bitches who were looking at us funny and those goddamn other bridesmaids had no room to be looking at us like that. I can say that because I actually know them, i went to high school with them and they were skanks of the highest order.

The other most famous wedding debacle was my friend Missy's wedding, during which again- shots did me in. My friend's boyfriend bet me $20 that I would kiss the DJ (who I did think was cute), so I marched right up to the DJ table and told him if he kissed me he'd help me win a bet. And that is how I came to make out with the DJ. And then I totally butchered an ethnic dance trying to fit in, and told the DJ there was an after-party in my room. A room I had no idea where it was, the limo picked us up in the morning and not being from the area I had no idea how to get back to it. Poor Ben (the same guy who made the bet with me) had to call information to find directions so he could get me back to the hotel.

So now tell me a tale of your favorite wedding drunkenness.

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the Saints- Carrie's wedding is not the first one I made an ass out myself at. Oh god, too many drunken shenanagans are flashing before my eyes.



  • At June 13, 2007 1:29 PM, Blogger Leanne said…

    Uh, I performed a chair dance, as learned at my pole-dancing class bachelorette party, at my own wedding. It doesn't get classier than that.

  • At June 14, 2007 1:29 AM, Blogger Lincoln said…

    I have never been drunk at a friend's wedding. Seeing as how I was raised in Utah and Mormon weddings dominate the landscape...alcohol was never really an option. However, I am going to a wedding this weekend. We'll see what happens.

  • At June 14, 2007 7:46 AM, Blogger Skeezix said…

    Lincoln, you must.

  • At June 14, 2007 7:54 AM, Blogger Mary said…

    cripes- you and I must have been separated at birth- I often use the phrase 'jesusmaryandjoseph', call skinny bitches skanks, and well, spend a lot of time watching drunk people at weddings :)
    My favorite story has nothing to do with me, sadly, but one of my best friends (also the sweatiest man on earth) got so drunk at another wedding of another friend that when they played 'Paradise by the Dashboard Light'(which they should never do), I swear to god, he channeled Meatloaf and acted out the entire music video with the bride (who was a good sport and stayed on the dance floor). We all practically peed our pants watching (and of course cheering encouragingly).
    He then invented a fight with his then skinny-bitch-skanky girlfriend and ditched her at a bar downtown and had the limo drive him- alone- back to his house :)
    Good times...good good times...

  • At June 14, 2007 9:33 AM, Blogger Sarah said… time you are in Cleveland there will be no stalking necessary because we are going out and partying in a big, big way.

    Shots at a wedding = instant hiliarious hijinks.

    My favorite is when people who don't normally drink get totally effing wasted at a wedding. One of my best friends doesn't drink very much (I know-and she's friends with me??), but at our friend's wedding she did shot after shot after shot and got every single person at the wedding to go up there and do one with her. The best was when I saw her at the bar with the bride's grandpa and my dad. Man that was awesome.

  • At June 14, 2007 10:00 AM, Blogger Skeezix said…

    Mary! Cripes is totally one of my favorites. I usually use it the way my grandmother does which is "Cripes Sakes Mariah."

    No one no what it means and I've never heard anyone else say it but I freaking love it. In fact if I was musically inclined I think it would be an excellent band name.

    Sarah, totally good news that I won't have to stalk you. And you are totally right that shots equal instant hilarity. Especially when you pull the older crowd into the fray.

  • At June 25, 2007 9:23 PM, Anonymous Stacy said…

    I think my most embarrassing moment at a wedding is when I was there as a hired photographer. I was not drunk at all, but we were at a baptist wedding and during the ceremony they prayed that she would do a great job servig her new husband- being neither seen nor heard- etc etc. So after the service mary and I went to the back of the church and started mocking the minister and saying "That's booo-shit" over and over and over laughing and laughing...until we looked up and saw the video camera directly behind us still recording for the happy couple...

    When we get around to writing our screenplay your story has to go in Suzanne :)


Post a Comment

<< Home