Over the last 6 months I've been a bit quiet about the subject entirely. I've started countless posts about it, and in fact this one might well end up filed away as another draft. But maybe this time I'll manage to fit all of my feelings into a pretty little concise box.
As part of an effort to broaden my horizons I decided that I was going to date men outside of my comfort zone. I'm not talking shiv welding former inmates, but more like the quirky, slightly androgynous guy. I've been taking chances, being more bold. A little more saucy rather than cautious.
And it has paid off, sort of. Gentleman #1 was lovely, and I thought we had a good time but in the end he was uninterested in me as he didn't return my phone call. It's cool though, since we were friends before and remain friends after. I'll admit it took me a couple of weeks to get back to that point but it is amazing what happens when you start dating someone else, voila! you can instantly become friends again because you are so interested in getting into another man's pants.
Gentleman #2, all talk and no action. This happens a lot with internet dating websites. You exchange emails for a little while and then it just fizzles. I've got a couple of theories as to why this happens, one being they met someone else and two being that after a certain period of time if you've not met it just isn't going to happen.
Which in Gentleman #2's case might have been partly my fault. I was in Cleveland for my grandfather's funeral and had to back out of two dates with this guy because I got snowed in for much longer than I expected. He never responded to my email about rescheduling.
But then I met Gentleman #3, and it was on. He was lovely, smart, funny and cute. This dude was a direct result of me taking a risk and emailing him out of the blue (on myspace). So what happened?
Fucking cheeseheads. (I say that with the most love though because some of my favorite people live in Wisconsin, and lord knows I love the cheese.)
He got a job offer in Madison and that was the end of that.
I took some time off after that, to lick my wounds and all that bullshit. And I've been trying to get back into the swing of things. But I just can't. I feel stalled. Uninterested.
It isn't that I'm hung up on Gentleman #3, but every other guy I've come across is just lacking something that makes me want to take that step forward.
It is not a lack of self confidence, it is really a lack of interest. Right now I just don't feel like I have the energy to put myself out there, to even go on those bad dates that you know will be great for your bad date archive of hilarious stories. I'd much rather be biking.