Mini meltdown Monday, January 22, 2007

So this last Friday was happy hour Eurche. Which is always a good time, but happy hour always kicks my ass. And this time was no exception, everything is going along fantastically and I'm pleasantly buzzed and then next thing I know I'm drunky mcdrunkerson. I even thought I was doing pretty well because I made sure to eat a hot dog after work.

But a single hot dog when you've skipped lunch and then drinking 4+ beers = drunkenness. I know this, but sometimes I like to pretend I'm a complete moron.

It was sometime around 10pm that I felt it coming on, but up until that point I'd been having a pretty wonderful time. Then I had to flee the bar and get home right away. As soon as I shut my apartment door it came over me...I slumped against the door and started sobbing.

Full body wracking sobs, the kind that you can't control and just shake you to your core. I sobbed for a good long while against that door before I managed to find my phone and call my sister, who often is my lifeline. She is the beacon in the very dark night, partly due to the fact that she is older and has been through it all and secondly because we are so alike that it is scary. Plus I wouldn't want to have anyone else hear my crazy rantings, this woman has seen me at my worst and still loves me so it is to her I turn when I know I going to make an ass of myself.

So like a crazy nutbag I was sobbing about everything. My job, my family, my love life, the fact that I feel like I'm never going to get married and have children, and I will end up spending my life that crazy spinster aunt that every family has. You know the one, she still lives at home, has nearly no life outside of her church group and seemingly is out of her ever lovin' mind.

I've felt this building inside for quite a while, at least a month. And it really is no wonder since the amount of stress I've been under since mid-October is mind numbing. With the dying grandfather drama now having been dragged out 3 months, general malaise at work and then a love life that was looking mildly perky at the start of the new year but seemingly deflated almost instantly, plus I've got to move out of my current living situation and housing in this town is a real pisser.

So on Friday night I hit the trifecta and just cried and cried. The drunkenness didn't help, and I'm sure that my sister wished I had never picked up the phone to ring her. After about an hour she convinced me to go to bed telling me I would feel better in the morning.

And of course, like the smarty pants that she is, I did feel better in the morning. The crying was cathartic and besides the mild hangover and enormously puffy eyes I actually felt pretty damn good. Pent up emotion usually has to make itself out of my body someway- and last week I think I was trying to exercise it out (I went 2 times a day all week). All the hours I spent in the gym didn't do for my mood what one good drunken cry did, although the working out did do wonders for making my bottom smaller.

The only thing that did surprise me the next morning was the condition of my apartment. My coat was lying on the floor next to the door, I had shrugged it off whilst crying. And my purse was spilling out all over next to it, and next to that were my shoes. My pants were in the bathroom in a tangle, my shirts next to my bed. I was sleeping in my towel and my nightgown was over the top of the shower.
I have to admit I found it all amusing.

Lets hope I can go at least another couple of years before I feel the need to have a release like that.
Skeezix  Monday, January 22, 2007

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