Old Maid Friday, December 08, 2006For me there was that mystical age growing up that I thought I would have all my shit together and be a proper adult. And by proper I mean about to be married, settled in a place and all the bows and ribbons that goes along with that lifestyle.
That age was 27.
Which for me as a young lass seemed so far away, but somehow that has inched up on me and now that day has arrived where I must deal with my silly disappointment of the fact that none of those things which I imagined for myself at this age have come to be. And the the part that is silly is that I feel I've somehow failed for not having stuck to this mythical plan that I created oh-so-long-ago.
It is completely ridiculous that I even imagined that I could put myself on such a course, yet in talking with some of my friends I've found that they've done the same thing too. It seems as if setting a goal or imagining a lifestyle is fairly common especially when that the time frame is far into the future. Yet, here I am peering down the barrel of that set age by which I thought I'd have it all and frankly what I've got is no where near to what I've imagined.
And frankly, I'm ok with it, then again I'm sure I'd have to be ok with it if it was what I had dreamed of as well. God, this post is so esoteric that I believe I must stop and get myself a cup of tea before my brain implodes with over thinking. Or perhaps an International Coffee would better, but alas I don't have a giggly friend next to me to remind me of my tryst with a Frenchman named Jacque that I had while on my European vacation and then 9 months later bared his illegitimate baby.
I'm single, I don't own a home, and I'm a bit unsettled at work. So if I'm 0 for 3 then why am I happy? It is probably the drugs.
No, it is probably because as a 16 year old that those are the sort of things I imagined I would have wanted by this age. I also thought that my high school boyfriend was the cutest, most wonderful guy in the world, that we would be together forever. Uh, ok, I never ever thought I'd be with my high school boyfriend forever- I had a frightening realistic view of relationships for such a young age. That didn't mean I that I didn't cry when he broke up with me (heartless bastard), I do believe he may have been the last guy I've ever wept over. I'm not sure if that speaks more to the sort of relationships I've had since then or some twisted thing about my psyche.
Do I really want to be settled in my job either? I don't believe so, I'm still learning and growing and I love what I do- at the same time there are so many other careers that look interesting and perhaps I'd like to try my hand at them.
As for not owning a home, well, I'd still really like that right now. But I still am not making enough money nor am I completely ready to commit myself to living in Athens for a certain number of years. I'm like the wind, people, like the wind.
To put it completely and and totally honestly and unfettered by pretty prose: I just don't fucking know, man.
And there you have it, the truth.