Memo to the recently re-committed gym goers:
Listen up buddy, we both know you'll give up after a week so why don't you just quit now. Because it really pisses off us regular gym goers when we get to the gym and there are 45 new people hogging all the cardio equipment.

There seriously wasn't a single machine available yesterday, which is total bullshit. My workout suffered because you made an Easter/New Years/Whatever resolution.

Memo to the overly tanned young ladies at the gym:
You look like a leather handbag, it's not attractive. A bald leather handbag if you keep bleaching your hair like that. I can see your scalp and you are what, 20?

Your stupid giggling presence in the gym infuriates me because you take forever on the equipment while using it all wrong. Get a trainer and stop wearing full on makeup and the skimpiest short shorts with see through tank tops.

Memo to the people I live with:
Turn off the motherfucking radio after 10pm. Especially if I go upstairs and there is no one there and the radio is just blaring away. This is a rule of the house and you damn well know it.

Memo to my bosses:
You still suck it. The end.

Memo to my body:
This bullshit fainting crap you've been pulling lately is not cool. I started taking an iron and B12 supplement last night so you better knock it the hell off.

What is with the huffing and puffing during your run this morning? Lungs, you need to straighten up and fly right- I give you 2 days off and now you act like you've got emphysema.

Memo to self:
It is ok if you have a couple of bad workouts. Stop being so hard on yourself, clearly you've not been well lately so stop thinking you are superwoman or something.

Also, I know you love your thighs but really everyone is tired of hearing about them.

One more thing, stop with the candy. You hate candy, really you do. So why have you been compelled to eat a metric ton of kitkats and starbursts in the last week?

Memo to my latte:
How are you so good? I would like to drink you all the days.



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